Monday, February 04, 2008

Polar Bears, Who Knew?

Fire of Liberty

Bill Steigerwald, associate editor of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review editorial board, has a great column out today that uses comedy(mixed with facts) as a way to take down the global warming alarmists and their current efforts to use polar bears as their new recruitment tool. Here's a look:

"I bet there weren't 8,000 of us left in the whole Arctic in 1970. Now that we're protected, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service estimates we're up to 25,000 -- though 60 percent of us live in Canada, those hosers."

"I'd rather take my chances with hunters than put up with this darn population explosion," said papa polar bear. "You can't go 20 miles without bumping into a mother and her spoiled cubs. Go into town for a little Dumpster diving, and it's so crowded you gotta take a number."

"Quit griping, son," said grandpa polar bear. "Our species has finally hit the jackpot. Humans were our only enemy. Now we're the official mascots of the climate-change industrial complex. We're as charismatic as whales. We've got lobbyists all over Washington."

"It won't last," said papa polar bear. "Wait till everyone finds out the ice cap naturally gets thinner or thicker all the time. Wait till they all realize we can swim 30 miles before breakfast. Wait till they see two-thirds of us haven't died by 2050 because of a little global warming.

"But what if '60 Minutes' turns on us and catches us eating baby seals?" asked mama polar bear.

"Don't be such alarmists," said grandpa polar bear. "Al Gore will never let it happen.

"The mainstream media, politicians and school kids have been completely suckered. We're apex victims of modern mankind. Senators from New Jersey are working to put us on the Endangered Species list. Congress is talking about doing a study to make sure we won't be hurt before they allow those new oil and gas leases to be auctioned in the Chuckchi Sea. It's only a matter of time before we get Pell Grants for polar bears.

"So stop worrying, kids," said grandpa polar bear, slipping off the ice floe for a little five mile swim. "We've never had it so good."

I've got to say that Steigerwald has a good way of turning down the climate hysteria posed by Al Gore and his "Green Team" friends and putting the current state of these furry mammals in its proper context. Now if it takes a imaginary conversation via a family of polar bears, then so be it.

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